It’s not rocket science! [ex-files#3]

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Why, after being apart for ten years, does my ex-husband still find it so difficult to make arrangements to spend time with his children? Yet again he has left it to the last possible moment to liaise over the half term holiday and, as usual, is put out that either  the children or I have made arrangements and so the possible days for him to see all of them are limited. School holidays are published well in advance so why is it beyond him to sit down and do a little bit of forward planning? It’s always the same, everything is so last minute that it seems that they are the last priority on his list, it’s a case of fitting them in around everything else in his life rather than organising his life around them.

And wouldn’t it be nice if occasionally he could spare a thought for my needs? I still have to run my business during the school holidays so surely it’s not unreasonable to think that he could take on some of the childcare or at least offer? I’ve given up on all thoughts of an adult social life and definitely given up on the prospect of a romantic relationship – I don’t think many men would be interested in a mum of five children who only has a handful of child free nights a year! – but it would sometimes be nice to think that I could give my business the attention that it deserves. Surely, if he expects me to be able to support myself financially then he should participate a little more in bringing up our children?

I know that the situation will never change, after all if I couldn’t convince him of his skewed priorities when we were married then what hope do I have now? But it infuriates me! I’ve tried lots of different techniques but at the end of the day I think I need to fall back on the old proverb: you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.

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4 thoughts on “It’s not rocket science! [ex-files#3]

  1. Aaagh! That does sound infuriating. I’m finding it hard enough to work at home with three kids around, so hats off to you for working round five of them!

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    • Luckily my children are more considerate than their father so we manage. It just makes me so cross that he never seems to put them first as they deserve more. I was so lucky to have a father who always put his family first and so find his attitude very difficult to comprehend.
      Working from home is hard at the beginning but it foes get easier with practice! Thank you for your comment.

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  2. I often think men just lack emotional perspective, and therefore make bad emotional choices for themselves. I can feel your pain- my father was a bit like that…he found it very hard to ‘deliver’, despite my mother chalking out for him what was needed. He just couldn’t get the job done and I know that in his later years, he understood that about himself and was extremely self-recriminating. But time waits for no man and the damage was done. Rest assured that so long as children have one caring, responsible adult, they turn out well. You are that parent! xxx

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